Differing Update 8

End of Week 10

I'm not going talk so much. But this is kind of a rant. It's already week 10 and again I've yet to see and feel smooth complexion. I have 8 huge pimples on my face. 3 of which are still from last week.

I don't understand man. I thought by week 10, healing process should speed up like I dunno in 3 days?? And I'm so ugh. Angry! I have 8 huge pimple on my face and on top of that my scarring!! People are going to think my skin is full of pimples. Sigh.

And it's hard to pin point what is exactly the cause of it. The new medication ? The pills? More purging?

My new makeup? My suncreen sigh why is it that I have such sensitive skin :(

And my work doesn't allow makeup. I feel so down...

Yesterday (20/2) Dermatologist Appointment

Let me refresh you guys a little bit on how and why I wanted to see a dermatologist that is under government subsidy.

Obvious reason #1 is money. I've been to a private dermatologist in Hougang and it was expensive + far for me. So I went ahead to get a referral letter from a polyclinic and she suggested KTPH instead of National Skin Centre (NCS) because of the long waiting line. I was skeptical at first because if it is not direct from a specialize place, normally these people are hmm how do I put it...QUESTIONABLE. For example, the dentist in hospital are like student grads of some sort and it is way better to go to a dental clinic.

But at that point of time (3 months ago), I was desperate on my under the skin bumps, so I agreed hastily. I clearly understand that some creams and procedures are not subsidized as it is a cosmetic thing. Only medicines and consultations are subsidized. Which I don't mind because like I mentioned in my earlier posts, I was concerned on what was going on with my skin and wanting to continue with more antibiotics.

But as time passes, my reason for going changed. As you may know, my cystic acne got way better and left with tons of scarring. Reason #2 is to then ask for advice and options for scar removal.

Boyyyyy was I correct on being skeptical!!!! Yesterday in KTPH, felt like a nightmare that I could not wake up. Firstly, the night before I went ahead and compiled a list of pictures of my skin progress so that the derm can examined. And guess what. He does not even care!! He took a glanced and asked me to put away my phone!!!

Secondly, I asked him regarding Differin why it made me break out so bad. I knew the answer from the tons of research I did. But I just want to hear it from the derm himself. See how the convo went out.

Me: Do you know why when the moment I took Differin my acne went berserk? pointing at phone picture.

Derm: *Glances* Mmm okay but your skin is getting better. Can you please put away your phone now.

Note: at this point he was annoyyed and kinda have a disgusted look on his face because I shown him too much picture that he didn't really care. I was telling my acne story earlier with references from my phone pictures. And he really seem disinterested by interrupting me and asking me basic questions like what meds I have taken, when it started, how was my menstrual cycle. Just. Joting. Down. Notes. No further explanation of any sorts.

Me: So is it okay for me to continue using Differin? 

Derm: Mm if it breaks you out, you can stop using for now.

Me: Mm.. oh kay... 

Me: So what is the cause of my acne? Is it hormonal or products?

Derm: * gives long ass vague answer * so ya basically it could be anything.

Me: alright, so what do you suggest now since I still have acne on my forehead? (before, he inspected my face and noticed some active acne)

Derm: I will give you a 2 month antibiotics. If this doesn't work you can consider isotretinoin.

I'm just like wtf and in disbelief. Inside my heart, I'm like really? Accutane? You're going to suggest accutane that freaking fast?

Me: *gave up on wanting to know more* Okay, so can we discuss on my options for treatments that can remove my acne scarring?

Derm: Oh you can't do that now. You still have active acne. It will aggravate more. Just eat the pills okay. And see me in 2 months time and we will discuss. Anyway this hospital do not do any treatments.

By now I was too shocked by what he said. And just let him suggest all the products and pills. I was really in wtf mode. 

Derm: So what do you think has helped you the past few months? which meds?

Me: *thinking..isn't that your freaking job to know? what works best? How would I freaking know ass.* mm I think Differin did help me to resurface the gunks out.

Derm: Oh okay, then I'll give you another Differin and continue using it.

Again.. WTF??? Just moments ago you told me not to use it? I was ready to cry by now. Too frustrated with this Derm. To think I went ahead waiting for 3 freaking months for this?! All he can give is the same thing a normal polyclinic can give???!! Simple antibiotics, an antiseptic facial wash, another Differin, and some acne gel that I can get OTC.

The hospital don't even do treatments!! He wasn't even helpful in any sorts of questions and advices.

When I was waiting to pay for my pills, I really wanted to cry. What kind of shitty Derm is he?! To think back my Hougang doc, Dr Chin suggested me chemical peels even when i had active acne!! Means it is possible for treatments right?!! I'm so pissed.

I mean 3 months into waiting and all I could get are things form polyclinic arghhhhhhh!! And argh I'm even angrier that there was no treatments that could be done in the hospital. So i might as well seek private clinic from the start???! It is non subsidize anyway.. So I do not need to wait in line for govt hospital. Haisssssssssssssss.

So I quickly called Hougang clinic for an appointment with Dr Chin for consultation for his advice and his thoughts on this. I was desperate and angry because wow 3 months in line and I was down to this.

Dr Chin Consultation

Wow, just wow. A total 360 degree experience. I mean before I always knew he was nice it's just his clinic was too far. Also being a private niche skin clinic, it was also expensive for my student ass.

Anyway wow.. I showed him pictures and also apologise for not seeing him earlier. He politely check on my picture and told me it's okay since my skin has improved alot. He also mention and explains how Differin works. And it was perfectly normal that i breakout that bad. He also mention how he try not to ask his patients to use it because of this side effect. This made me remember how nice he was to tell me options on what pills i can consume to make my skin better before the last resort, accutane. He did gave me chemical peel options but back then I was still a student that's why he suggested on the pills.

Like how great is he? He explains how medication works and also advices the best thing to consume or apply on the face. 

I told him about what the KTPH derm told me how I can't go laser bla bla. He gave out a chuckle and told me that was weird and told me that in fact right now, my skin is the best time to go on laser treatment. 

I could almost cry when i hear that. I. Should. Have. Gone. Sooner. I had a 3/4 months break before work start. And all this could have healed before my work. I could have good skin before work. I could even maybe avoid my cystic explosion? But what's done is done. :/

The great news was that I could do laser. In fact on the day itself. He went through patiently how the laser work and such. And made sure I was calm during the laser treatment.

So I ended up walking out of the clinic $1.4K poorer but also happier towards better skin. It's a course of 5 treatment with 3 weeks interval.

Just a little bit of info on why I'm desperate for acne scar removal is because I'm starting work tmr and I am not allowed to wear makeup. Yes, no makeup. I'm working in a cleanroom. I don't know how it's going to be tmr. You guys know how insecure i am with my skin.That is the reason for my BB cushion purchase. So that i can remove and reapply easily. But i dont even know if that is allowed. And honestly, the scar covers the whole of my cheeks. So wish me luck. 

PS: I've missed a day of differin because of laser. I'll still continue with differin update. And also!! look out for my laser updates every 3 weeks after treatment from now on. :)

PPS: PLEASE WISH ME LUCK FOR TMR!!! :(

Differin Update 7

End of Differin Week 9

I don't know where I should start because the past week has been overwhelming. To be exact yesterday and today. If you follow my acne journey from the start, you might know that I had a dermatologist appointment with a government funded hospital yesterday (Khoo Teck Phuat Hospital). But I shall break down week 9 for me to comprehend better on what has been happening.

Early Week 9

End of week 8 my skin was at a pretty bad state. I've gained a couple of new big pustules pimples that even makeup could not hide it. It was such a setback for me because I thought things were getting better. However last week I narrowed down that maybe it might be a cycle or my Cerave moisturizer. 

I had a couple of events last week so I pretty much wear full makeup on those days. Really felt uncomfortable though. I wore Estee Double Wear but only one layer. I made sure to use clean tools only. And also... eliminate my moisturizer completely. 

However I noticed some tiny white head pimples pops up around the perimeter of my face. Especially cheeks and hairline. So I thought my towel was he cause of it. Because I usually wrap them in a way that hit those spots. So... changed into new towel.

Late Week 9

Come Saturday, I noticed no more new pimples. Except my forehead which I believe is still purging from the CCs I have. And also I want to note that I bought a new foundation which is light weight and non-comedogenic. Laniege Pore Control Cushion. It has fragrance though. But for my work that is starting next week, this is the best I can make do. More on that later..

Anyway I used it on Saturday and Sunday but only a few hours. Fortunately, no new pimples yet.

Let me conclude this week by saying my skin is way better thank it has ever been. I'll talk about my Derm appt in another post because it will get long.

Differin Update 6

End of Differin Week 8

Sigh, to think things are getting better. It's not. I have breakouts on my undereye area. And it's pissing me off. I thought before that it was my dirty tools. But it is not. I've washed my tools but the pimples kept coming in. And the last week.. we are talking about huge pustules not just pimples. It was horrible. :(

And don't even get me started on my forehead. Although no pustules, there's alot of CCs and tiny pimples. Sigh. 4 more weeks to end of Differin course and I still see no sign of steady improving progress. I've heard of people mentioning that their breakout comes in a cycle during their 12 weeks Differin course. I'm hoping it's that. Because I'm really getting pimples at areas that usually do not break out. If it sin't a cycle, then I have a huge feeling that it might be my moisturizer? It breaks my heart because it is always a moisturizer that causes my breakouts. And moisturizer being the most important in a routine, I feel that i always find a good one that is packed with good ingredients. My Cerave is non-comedogenic, fills with hylarounics and even contains niacinamide! Other than that there might be a possibility that my cleansing balm might also be the course of it. (hard to explain because I need to backtrack like 4 months prior..)

I really wanna cry because I really think things are getting better. But it's not.

I'm seeing my dermatologist next week. So that's the only thing I'm looking forward to. And I'll definitely be talking about laser options. My skin scarring is really the worst. :( Just to keep you in the loop, my work does not allow me to use make up. So that's really disheartening. sighhh...

This nightmare just keeps giving ain't it.

Chi Chi Eyeshadow Palette Review

I heard so many good things about Chi Chi Make Up brand and I decided to try one of them. Chi Chi is an affordable local Australian drugstore makeup brand. I first heard it from Shaanxo on Youtube and was completely blown away with the swatches from different bloggers. Disclaimer here, this item was a gift from my friends. But I specifically asked them for this exact item when they went to Brisbane. Now on to the review.

*Pictures are all taken under natural lighting.

Item

Colour: Chi Chi Makeup Palette in Sun Kissed

Price: AUD$22.95

Amount: 16g, 12 shadows

Where to buy: Target or Chi Chi Website.

Palette comes with 12 different shades and 2 sponge applicators. Usually people will toss them away but I like to use it to pack on colours on the lids.

There weren't many colours that were available at the moment when y friend picked this up. This was the only palette that called out to me among the ones that were available. This palette has a lot of bronze-y warm shades that wil definitely look great on any medium to tan skin. I fell in love with shade 06 and 10 instantly. Btw all of the palettes does not come with shade names, hence I numbered them for referencing.

Packaging

I don't know if you guys can see from the photos above but the way the palette closes is so tacky and cheap looking. It closes with a click. Definitely reminds me of kids makeup. Also the packaging is made out of plastic. Plastic, click closing, Definitely looks cheap. come with sponge applcators.

Swatches

These swatches are using fingers and on NC35-NC40 skintone. Shadows are a mix of shimmers, satin and one matte shadow.

Formula

 Shadows feels smooth and velvety when touched and swatched. However, they have a lot of fall outs. And I mean a lot! Pigmentation wise, weak! I don't even think they are pigmented at all. I was really disappointed because they look so stunnning on the pans. Lots of miss on this one but there are definitely some stand out shades too.

I'm really mad at the swatch because I really have to go back and fourth to make the colour pop. So mad that i think i got a bad batch! 01 feels is a pearly shimmer shade that is super chunky. 06 is a muted soft pink shimmer shade. Bummer, 06 was supposed to be my favourite.

02 is a yellow gold shade. 03 is a dark brown taupe shade. 05 is a pretty orange bronze shade. Among these, 03 definitely stands out the most. 03 is also the most pigmented in the whole palette.

04 is supposed to be a nice warm soft orange matte shade that would look great as a transition colour. But it doesn't freaking show up on me and definitely looks super chalky.

07 is another soft yellow shimmer shade that is super chunky. With the pigmentation to be so poor can you guys see how similar it is to shade 02? Grr. 08 is a brighter yellow shimmer shade that looks less chunky.

09 is a light orange-y brown satin shade. 10 was my favourite colour. That orange is straight up my alley. 11 and 12 are another taupe-y satin colours that can help darken a look.

Again like the others, was  not impressed with the colours. At all.

Brush Swatch with Primer

Now for brush swatch, I'll be using it along with a primer because that's usually how I wear my shadows on my lids. i wear eyeshadow with primer.  Using a no brand flat fluffy brush. Primer used is the Etude House waterproof primer.

I only gave these shades a try because I feel they are the weakest on colour of the bunch. Not much different isn't it? Plus I really need to pack on.

Lasting Power

I've used a couple of combinations from this palette. Yes, I really wanted to make this work.

04 crease, 06 lids, 10 outer V. 

04 crease, 10 lids, 03 outer V.

04 crease, 20 lids, 12 outer V.

06 lids, 03 outer V, 12 darken the outer V.

Besides primer, I also used my MAC soft ochre as a base. As mentioned, only 03 works great the rest, the colour does not translate well on the lids. I need to build it up a hell lot. Lots of fall out when blending + packing on. And 06 does not even stay on the lids for long. 12 is so light on the lids that i feel it doesn't help in darkening. Look 2 was the closest i could get to look somewhat decent on my eye using this palette.

Verdict

Really feels straight off like cheap makeup aka kids makeup. Thoroughly disappointed. Although some colours do perform, which was the taupe-y shades, the colours that made me bought this for doesn't show up at all. Which defeat the purpose of me buying this palette.

As with all products, YMMV, because I heard a lot of good things about other colour palettes from Chi Chi. Mostly I heard the review on NUDES and BASE perform really well. This SUNKISSED palette however, I can find like only 3-4 reviews on the internet. They didn't mentioned much about it it too. But their swatches seems pretty okay. Like I said, maybe I got a bad batchor might be my skin tone is too dark for the colours.

I'm not giving up on this brand because in all honesty, there is a lot of good reviews on them. So I might buy another one but different colour palette. I'm eye-ing on the SPICE palette. But this palette, although some people find it okay, I personally do not like this palette. At all. I feel that even a Daiso palette faired better than this one.

Rating: 1/5

Differin Update 5

End of Differin Week 7

Wow i can't believe it's already end of week 7. Time sure flies and I'm happy about it. It just means my skin is getting better and towards the healing process. I have decided not to look into patterns anymore. Because I feel that everytime I have an agenda outside, that's when it looks the worse of the week. Pfft.

Anyways.. My left side has tone down quite a lot. Lesser CCs. But I'm still having a couple of pimples. As of now I have quite a few small pustules that is drying up. Big acne pimple wise, about 5. From those people who has seen me gone through this journey, they have mentioned that my face has definitely improve. Also mentioning how my face looks like a normal person having the "time of the month" breakout. That is really an uplifting comment for me. Remember what a mess I was weeks ago? Grr, those were a nightmare. Right now, I can go out with makeup on and tucking my hair behind my ears. Before, I would really hide it with my hair.

Now, I'm not in anyway towards clear skin. Not anywhere near, FYI. My skin is still texturized with leftover pimples and CCs. To an outsider, they will still see my skin as troubled skin. But I don't mind, because to me, it has improved tremendously as compared to the first 3 weeks.

My major problem area now is my forehead. I felt like this acne "attacked" me on my right cheek first, then left cheek + chin and now it's attacking my forehead. The amount of CCs on my forehead wasn't as much as on my cheeks. So the purging stage right now is fairly manageable.

Also I want to mentioned, that used of unclean Beauty Blender and brushes sets me back to a few days of recovery :( . Last week I had this 3-4 huge acne right under my left eye. I don't usually breakout there neither do CCs form there. So it must have been a product I used. I look back and the culprit was definitely filthy tools! That setback was a little disheartening but it also serves as a reminder to always use clean brushes.

Apart from active acne, obviously I'm struggling with many PIH and PIE. I have some ice pick scars too. :/ But it is not really my top concern for now.

As always, I always hope and look forward to getting better skin in the coming weeks. Hope to see a happier update next week. Oh and my dermatologist appointment is in 2 weeks time. Can't wait!

January Lifestyle Favourites

I tried to put this post up during the last week of January but I totally forgot that this post was put on draft! My apologies. Anyway, no Beauty Favourites because i'm still struggling with acne infested skin. So I rarely wear make up. If I do I always come back to my usual favourites. You can refer to my Best of Beauty 2016. FYI, all images below were taken off google.

Food

Prawn crackers

Have you guys ever eaten this? Super yummy and whenever I eat this, it will remind me of my childhood days. I bought 3 big packets of this in the last month! Truly one of my favourite snacks from I was young till now.

Shows

Westworld

It's been awhile since a show blew my mind. This was it. I'm really bad at explaining shows that I watch without spoiling it so i'm not going to say much about it. This show is basically (from how I perceive it to be) is Human Vs Robot. What's interesting is even though you know that robots aren't human beings, their actions can cause you some what feeling empathetic towards them. Which is crazy, because humans create this artificial intelligence yet you will find yourself rooting for the robots. And there's a lot of hidden mysteries that were left for the audience to solve. So that's also pretty interesting.

Infinite Challenge

I can never part with Korean Variety. When I heard the news back when Running Man was over, I jumped onto the Infinite Challenge bandwagon. I mean since I'm already familiar with Haha and YJS. Apparently this is the oldest and the most popular variety show in Korea. I still can't find myself loving it as much as how I love RM, but I can see why this is heavily loved by the Koreans. What they basically do in this shows are challenges. And yes any challenge that you can think of under the sun. And depending on the challenge they see it as projects. Some challenges can even spread into many episode. These show has like 500+ episodes and some aren't even available anymore. Even the cast has changed numerous times, except YJS I believe. So far the episodes that i enjoy were the Fake Thailand Trip episode and My Ugly Buddy festival. Hilarious!

1N2D

This was the second K Variety that I got myself hooked. I find myself loving this more than Infinite Challenge. I've watched 1N2D season 1 before, so getting into this was kind of easy plus I was already familiar with Kim Jongmin. And it is more similar to RM where they have to play a lot of games. I catch up with this show from Season 3. I must say, so far none of the episode has disappoint me. Just some interesting fact about my favourites here: I've always liked Jongmin because he is blur and funny. But I get annoyed at how frequent he loses haha. So I find myself liking Joonyoung because he seems like the ace. And also I hated on Cha Tae Hyun based from the time he guest in RM. But overtime I find myself liking Tae Hyun more while Joonyoung..err I sorta hate him haha. I foresee this will be my number one favourite if RM really cancels in February.

YouTube Favourite

I've been watching a lot of YouTube lately for obvious reasons. My love for makeup. Hehe. So my faourites will change from time to time. But for the past month I've been watching Jaackjack. I actually followed her since around 2012. But I kinda feel that along the way she isn't mature enough for my taste. Like her audience is for teens or pre-teens. She's very disney and cute-sy kind. But recently I find myself rediscovering her because I wanted to watched/follow another daily vlog besides ItsJudysLife. Recently her dog went missing (during Halloween 2016) so I got hooked watching for updates of her dogs ever since her Vlogmas. Anyway, beauty wise she isn't those Beauty Guru who are apt on their schedule but she's uploads frequent enough for me. If someone uploads more than Jaclyn Hill. That's considered good to me. Haha.

Besides Jackie, I've been watching alot of declutter videos too. Current favourite is JamBeauty89. I find people purging and decluttering their massive collection super therapeutic. Also, these videos inspires me to do my own declutter and purge on the stuff I don't need.

That's it for January favourites. I hope next month I'll see myself using more products though.